"At a charity event in the capital of Doha, a Qatari bidder paid $2.75 million for the mobile phone number 666-6666."
Click here for full article.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Friday, May 19, 2006
Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Friday, May 05, 2006
Describe Love...?
How can anyone talk about “love” without sounding too cheesy?
It strikes me as somewhat impossible
If I speak of it in a rather dull tone, I’d sound like a newspaper journalist
And if I spoke of it with my emotions I’d sound cheesy
What is love, though, if not emotions?
Should I speak of it biologically?
They’re chemicals that the brain produces to entice the nerves, send heat and warmth throughout the body and give the human being a good feeling
Or perhaps I should speak of it philosophically?
It’s the meeting of two souls that became separated in the physical universe. Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows one how one should be.
How would a dictionary define the term?
Something like, “A deep, tender feeling of affection towards a person. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is willing to make his or her partner; the emotion of sex and romance.”
I should speak of love the way that I see it.
Simply put, love is:
Him
Breaking the Chains:
"Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding."
Bette Davis
"Maybe someday, somehow, love will finally be able to conquer all... We can only hope."
Seraph
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Planning
I have too much work to do and too little time to accomplish it in. I was told that by time management I could accomplish anything, as long as I put my mind into it. The problem is that I don't know how to manage my time, I'm a spontaneous person who just works with time.I do love planning though, so much. Just a few days back we were taught about the different planning strategies in my introduction to business class. I remembered when I used to plan big and plan small for certain online projects, or as business professors would put it: "strategic and tactical planning".
It's funny how I hate making to-do lists and yet love to plan. To-do lists make me feel stressed, while plans make me feel organized, especially strategic ones. I was never a fan of the details. Maybe that's one of the reasons that make me such an endless procrastinator. People who think large rather than small have more difficulty in accomplishing their task (or so I like to think in order to fool myself so I don't feel so guilty when I procrastinate).
It's funny how I hate making to-do lists and yet love to plan. To-do lists make me feel stressed, while plans make me feel organized, especially strategic ones. I was never a fan of the details. Maybe that's one of the reasons that make me such an endless procrastinator. People who think large rather than small have more difficulty in accomplishing their task (or so I like to think in order to fool myself so I don't feel so guilty when I procrastinate).
Sunday, April 30, 2006
1%
When the UAE gives only 1% of it's money to education, it's no wonder that public universities and colleges highly emphasize on English language development skills. Men and women alike are wasting precious years of their lives, all in order to be able to utter one comprehendable sentence in English, while they should be spending them studying in order to go out and work sooner. Because our public schools are not performing to international standards, children are not being prepared for higher education. About a third of the budget used for spending on higher education is being used on teaching students the skills that they should've already learnt at school.
I'd say that out of the one percent that the UAE is spending on education, three quarters of that one percent, or 0.75%, is being spent on higher education, while the smart thing to do would be to spend more money on schools rather than higher education. The UAE has many high school dropouts.
Is one percent really enough? Countries like Brazil and Pakistan spend around 3% on education. I think that the Ministry of Education should get more than a measly one percent (even if it did mean more than 5 billion dirhams in 2003)
p.s
I realize that this post has almost no sources to back up the claims, and I hate posting something without proof to back it up, but I think it's safe to say that I'm pretty sure of my claims...
I'd say that out of the one percent that the UAE is spending on education, three quarters of that one percent, or 0.75%, is being spent on higher education, while the smart thing to do would be to spend more money on schools rather than higher education. The UAE has many high school dropouts.
Is one percent really enough? Countries like Brazil and Pakistan spend around 3% on education. I think that the Ministry of Education should get more than a measly one percent (even if it did mean more than 5 billion dirhams in 2003)
p.s
I realize that this post has almost no sources to back up the claims, and I hate posting something without proof to back it up, but I think it's safe to say that I'm pretty sure of my claims...
Friday, April 28, 2006
Monday, April 17, 2006
Warchalking
Free and open Wi-Fi networks are out there. The art is in finding them, then chalking a mark on a street.
It's pretty common to find unsecure wireless networks if you're living in an apartment, thanks to the generous neighbors who haven't locked their wireless networks or made them secure. Anyone who's lucky enough to find them gets a piece of chalk and then marks sidewalks, walls or poles with symbols based on an old sign language. Anyone who understands these symbols then knows that there's an unsecure wireless network that can be used around that area. Laptops and notebooks are charged, then brought to that area for free internet access.
The history of Warchalking goes as follows:
It's pretty common to find unsecure wireless networks if you're living in an apartment, thanks to the generous neighbors who haven't locked their wireless networks or made them secure. Anyone who's lucky enough to find them gets a piece of chalk and then marks sidewalks, walls or poles with symbols based on an old sign language. Anyone who understands these symbols then knows that there's an unsecure wireless network that can be used around that area. Laptops and notebooks are charged, then brought to that area for free internet access.
The history of Warchalking goes as follows:
In 2002, London-based IT consultant Matt "Blackbelt" Jones came up with an idea for Wi-Fi users to help each other get online. Jones proposed marking sidewalks, walls, or telephone poles where networks could be found with a set of chalk-mark symbols based on the old sign language that hobos used to alert one another to food, shelter, or potential trouble during the Great Depression in the 1930s.
Jones dubbed this practice "warchalking," a pun on "wardialing," introduced in the 1983 movie Wargames, in which a young hacker has his computer automatically dial all the phone numbers in the area looking for other computers. Geeks termed the practice "wardialing." Add that familiar erasable writing technology and you wind up with "warchalking." Here are the universally accepted trio of symbols for warchalking:
Apparently, the most common used symbol is the one to the left. It reminds me of the Chanel logo with the opposing brackets. The ones to the right mean or symbolize closed networks. That means that they're closed access and no one knows how to access them. The one with the W in the middle means that you need a WEP or WPA key.
You'll find a few marks here and there in the big cosmopolitan cities such as London or New York, but most of them were made by the business owners themselves in order to attract passers-by by offering free internet access.
It's funny how some people would go to extreme extents for the sake of free internet access. A friend of mine told me that her driver would drive to Beach Center where there's an internet place for kids, which has a lot of games in there. The place is filled with 10-year-olds who would get bored after using the computer for 10 minutes that they'd just leave it. He'd go there and wait for a kid to get bored so that he could sit after the kid who left the computer and use the internet for free for almost an hour.
That's smart, funny too.
I wonder what sort of new trend will come along after the wireless craze fades out.
For more information on chalking visit this link. Read the story that BBC did on warchalking here.
Breaking the Chains:
"The days of the digital watch are numbered."
Tom Stoppard
Thursday, April 13, 2006
ماشي الحال
ماشي الحال غصب عني بعد يمشي
ضيقة بال وأشيل الهم على رمشي
* * *
حقيقة صعبة أحوالي ولا لي بهالزمن غالي
انا تعبان من نفسي واللي حولي ما يبالي
* * *
مابه خط للرجعة تعبت وفاضت الدمعة
ألا يا من يشيل الهم ويترك للهنى ربعه
I need the person I miss.
I need to leave the place that I'm in, go somewhere else.
I need to finish up.
I need to move on.
I need to stop feeling the way that I'm feeling right now.
Most importantly, I need to know how to get everything that I need.
I need many things... But who's to say that I'll ever get them?
In the end, one thing makes me go on... Particularly this sentence that's been ringing in my ears the past few days, maybe because I felt that it spoke to me, "After every storm, there comes a rainbow."
Breaking the Chains:
"Happiness is a state of mind."
Seraph
"Take my advice, it's not like I ever use it!"
Seraph
Friday, March 31, 2006
Friends are like Chocolates...
...They come in different kinds, sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter, but they all do the same job of filling us up and making us feel warm. They're all good sources of endorphin (the happy chemical).
We have different types of people around us to aid us in this journey that we call life. Family is there for love, colleagues are there for work, lovers are there for security and finally, friends, for support. Of course, lovers and friends can be like family, which means that they give love.
I've always wondered, is classifying friends possible? Categorizing them according to a set criteria in your brain? This criteria is purely yours, each person has his or her own criteria.
Let me share with you my criteria for friends.
Firstly, I have the best friends. They're a few, of course, and each one of them has something that the other lacks. One is good for listening and advice, she's the sound mind; one is such a sweetheart; another is good for just making me laugh and finally, save the best for last as she always says, the take with me everywhere kind of friend. The friend that would do all of the above, be able to mingle with all of the above and also know what I'd be thinking without me having to talk. It could get quite annoying, though, especially when I'd try and hide something from her because she would eventually find out, most probably because I told her willingly. You can say that she's like me in a more advanced and crazy brain, and a different body. It isn't out of the norm if one of us called the other just to say, "It's 11 o'clock and I just finished a full meal of Burger King!" and then hang up, no reason needs to be given.
Secondly, there are the very good friends. We'd care about each other, ask about each other, good listeners and there for support, but not quite graduated to best. Those are a few, too, but their numbers are larger than the best ones.
Finally, the normal friends come. We know each other and trust each other but never graduated to being very supportive to one another even though we wouldn't mind offering a helping hand, but we don't mind each other's company and are fine with talking gibberish and making jokes to one another. We care about each other nonetheless and would probably stand up for one another. It doesn't matter so much if we didn't talk for a long period of time, though.
I think that pretty much sums it up for me, or for my "friend" classification.
I think that we each have our own criteria's and the aforementioned is mine...
God bless them all.
Breaking the Chains:
"A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling."
Arthur Brisbane
We have different types of people around us to aid us in this journey that we call life. Family is there for love, colleagues are there for work, lovers are there for security and finally, friends, for support. Of course, lovers and friends can be like family, which means that they give love.
I've always wondered, is classifying friends possible? Categorizing them according to a set criteria in your brain? This criteria is purely yours, each person has his or her own criteria.
Let me share with you my criteria for friends.
Firstly, I have the best friends. They're a few, of course, and each one of them has something that the other lacks. One is good for listening and advice, she's the sound mind; one is such a sweetheart; another is good for just making me laugh and finally, save the best for last as she always says, the take with me everywhere kind of friend. The friend that would do all of the above, be able to mingle with all of the above and also know what I'd be thinking without me having to talk. It could get quite annoying, though, especially when I'd try and hide something from her because she would eventually find out, most probably because I told her willingly. You can say that she's like me in a more advanced and crazy brain, and a different body. It isn't out of the norm if one of us called the other just to say, "It's 11 o'clock and I just finished a full meal of Burger King!" and then hang up, no reason needs to be given.
Secondly, there are the very good friends. We'd care about each other, ask about each other, good listeners and there for support, but not quite graduated to best. Those are a few, too, but their numbers are larger than the best ones.
Finally, the normal friends come. We know each other and trust each other but never graduated to being very supportive to one another even though we wouldn't mind offering a helping hand, but we don't mind each other's company and are fine with talking gibberish and making jokes to one another. We care about each other nonetheless and would probably stand up for one another. It doesn't matter so much if we didn't talk for a long period of time, though.
I think that pretty much sums it up for me, or for my "friend" classification.
I think that we each have our own criteria's and the aforementioned is mine...
God bless them all.
Breaking the Chains:
"A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling."
Arthur Brisbane
Thursday, March 30, 2006
قوة الدعاء
الصلاة التفريجية
اللهم صلّ الصّلاة الكاملة، و سلّم السّلام التّام على محمّد، النّبي الّذي تنحلّ به العقد، و تنفرج به الكرب، و تقضى به الحوائج، و تنال به الرغائب، و حسن الخواتيم، و يستسقى الغمام بوجهه الكريم، و على آله و صحبه في كل لمحة و نفس، عدد كلّ معلوم لك
يا الله! يا حي! يا قيوم
الصلاة المنجية
اللهم صلّ على سيّدنا محمّد، و على آل سيّدنا محمّد صلاة تنجينا بها من جميع الأهوال، و الآفات
و تقضي لنا بها جميع الحاجات
و تطهرنا بها من جميع السيئات
و ترفعنا بها عندك أعلى الدرجات
و تبلغنا بها أقصى الغايات
من جميع الخيرات في الحياة و بعد الممات
Monday, March 20, 2006
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Trying to Mend
"There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will…"
The past few days have shook me. They shook me to the point that the pain was so deep my body had to numb it for me. I think that because my body knew that if it let the pain bite at me it would be too much, it started to go upside down.
Have you ever been through something that hurt you so much that instead of crying you'd start laughing uncontrollably? That's how I was and probably still am. I think I'm starting to be sane again, I'm just waiting to break down so that I can finally start to move on.
Shock does this, doesn't it? When you get shocked by something that someone does to you, someone you'd have never expected this of...
My days are tiring, my weaknesses have come undone. I managed to knot them, thanks to someone who stood by my side, but now that they've left me in such a strange way, my old wounds are starting to freshen. It's funny how I can remain quiet for quite a while and would suddenly laugh for no reason. I thought that laughing was supposed to make you happy, why do I manage to end up with a headache after laughing? Sometimes I'd be listening to someone recounting a story that is anything but funny yet I'd have to bite my lip so hard to stop laughs from escaping my lips. The headaches make it hard for me to focus. Catching me daydream these days is very normal, I can't get the source of the headache out of my mind... The pain of the headache is also making concentrating on anything else almost impossible.
Yet I try.. and I try.
They say that time is the best healer. Is it a healer, though? I think that time just numbs the pain, it doesn't heal it at all. We become stronger because we start to forget, but if something triggers our memory and we start to remember a bad memory then all the pain that we experienced in the past will come back, all new. We never healed, we just forgot.. Being forgetful truly is a blessing...
For example, five years after the death of a loved one I wouldn't cry as often as I did one month after their death because with time I'd forget. But, if something reminded me of the person that passed away, I'd go back to what I used to do. Did time heal me? No, it didn't, or else I would've been fine. It just numbed the pain for me with the help of my receding memory.
There's just one thing that I would love to know...
Why, after knotting and stitching the wounds tightly for me, have they loosened them now?
What on earth have I done to deserve this...
Would I benefit from knowing why? Should I forget about my curiousity? Will getting an answer make this easier on me?
In the end, though, hearing one thoughtful kind word always helps to bring me one step closer to carrying a real smile.
Breaking the Chains:
"A torn jacket is soon mended; but hard words bruise the heart of a child."
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Tagged!
Because MD tagged me, I have to fill this list.
1. Four jobs I've had:
- Daughter (not so much these days)
- Babysitter (look at the above)
- Work Placement last year
- Student
2. Four movies I could watch over and over:
- Where the Heart Is
- Shrek 2
- Superstar
- Girl, Interrupted
- Gangs of New York
3. Four places I've lived in:
Only Dubai
4. Four TV shows I like:
- Friends
- Desperate Housewives
- Lost
- The O.C.
5. Four places I've been to on holiday:
- Europe: Switzerland, London and another place I forgot
- Asia: Thailand, Malaysia and Singapore
- Australia
- Saudi Arabia (yes, once went on holiday, to visit my family there)
6. Four favorite dishes:
- Noodles
- Meshwi (Arabic dish)
- Sandwiches
- Pizza Hut chicken wings, fisherman's thingy (it's a sandwich with prawns) and potato wedges
7. Four sites I visit frequently:
- Blogs
- Gmail
- Hotmail
- Google or Yahoo!
8. Four books I've read:
- The Present by Spencer Johnson
- Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
- It's not how good you are, it's how good you want to be by Paul Arden
- Redemption Song by Beatrice Berry
9. Bloggers I want to tag:
- They're all already tagged!
Breaking the Chains:
"Friends applaud(...)"
Ludwig von Beethoven
1. Four jobs I've had:
- Daughter (not so much these days)
- Babysitter (look at the above)
- Work Placement last year
- Student
2. Four movies I could watch over and over:
- Where the Heart Is
- Shrek 2
- Superstar
- Girl, Interrupted
- Gangs of New York
3. Four places I've lived in:
Only Dubai
4. Four TV shows I like:
- Friends
- Desperate Housewives
- Lost
- The O.C.
5. Four places I've been to on holiday:
- Europe: Switzerland, London and another place I forgot
- Asia: Thailand, Malaysia and Singapore
- Australia
- Saudi Arabia (yes, once went on holiday, to visit my family there)
6. Four favorite dishes:
- Noodles
- Meshwi (Arabic dish)
- Sandwiches
- Pizza Hut chicken wings, fisherman's thingy (it's a sandwich with prawns) and potato wedges
7. Four sites I visit frequently:
- Blogs
- Gmail
- Hotmail
- Google or Yahoo!
8. Four books I've read:
- The Present by Spencer Johnson
- Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
- It's not how good you are, it's how good you want to be by Paul Arden
- Redemption Song by Beatrice Berry
9. Bloggers I want to tag:
- They're all already tagged!
Breaking the Chains:
"Friends applaud(...)"
Ludwig von Beethoven
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Flash!
What's a flashback?
Flashbacks are memories of past traumas. They may take the form of pictures, sounds, smells, body sensations, feelings or the lack of them (numbness). Many times there is no actual visual or auditory memory. One may have the sense of panic, being trapped, feeling powerless with no memory stimulating it. These experiences can also happen in dreams.
Terrifying, unbearable, scary, uncontrollable, confusing....these and many more words are what a survivor uses to describe how a flashback feels.
Not knowing why a flashback happens makes dealing with them confusing for survivors.
Emotionally loaded, flashbacks bring back feelings from the original attack. Thoughts, actions and emotions that a survivor kept repressed during their attack may be to blame for some of these vivid memories.
The very fact that flashbacks seem to be uncontrollable and unpredictable, makes stopping flashback memories seemingly just another pain to bear.
When we begin to understand why we have flashbacks and are not paralyzed by them, we can move further along the path to healing. Flashbacks are a natural process of healing and they are safe. Your mind is now telling you that it is no longer necessary to block such memories.
So how can we deal with these flashbacks?
1. Three Options
When dealing with a flashback there are actually three possible options. At the first sign of an oncoming flashback, you need to quickly determine which option you are choosing.The techniques used for each of these options are the same, but how you combine them and the intensity which you will use them will vary to bring about each of the three. This is not to say that you will be able to control your flashbacks all the time, sometimes it will be stronger than you. If what triggered your flashback was strong enough, then you might not be able to control or escape it. During such times, get yourself to the safest place possible and keep using techniques to manage the acceptance of the flashback.
Option One: Accept
The first option is to accept the flashback at full intensity. It looks like a ridiculous choice at first glance, but one of the reasons that you have flashbacks in the first place is to help your mind process the information contained in the flashback. There are times when this is going to be the best option because the information is going to come out anyway. So when the time and place are right, prepare yourself and try to control the flashback only enough to keep yourself safe. How do you know when the time and place are right? Well, there are several factors that may help indicate when it is safe enough to Accept a flashback at full force. The first of these is a safe environment, by safe I mean comfortable and comforting. This may be your bedroom, living room, or even your therapist's office. The second is the existence of a support person, or someone you can talk to afterwards if you need to. This could be a significant other, close friend or therapist.
Limiting the times a flashback is accepted at full force can significantly improve how deal the more devastating memories are dealt with.
Option Two: Control
The second option is to Control the flashback, or rather to make an attempt to diminish the effects of the flashback. In order to Control the flashback, you need to increase the effort you put into the coping techniques you have (or those listed at the bottom of this article). I find it useful to also continue to remind myself that I am safe and that I cannot be hurt. Controlling and Escaping flashbacks work by interrupting the thought processes involved in the flashback. Since flashbacks are basically electrical impulses within the brain, I look at this as short-circuiting the flashback process. When you have a song you don't particularly like stuck in your head, the only way to get rid of it is to hear a song you like and replace the thought that is keeping that song in your head. Short-circuiting a flashback is the same thing you are attempting to replace one thought process with another. Controlling is not the full replacement of a flashback but a redirection of the flashback onto a different and safer circuit. To do this, you will be using your coping tools to interrupt the thought process. You may need to interrupt the flashback several times to Control the impact, and it may take several efforts to cause a single interruption. Mixing your coping methods around and using them in combination are ways of intensifying the attempt at interruption. If your environment is familiar and you can feel safe, or if you are with someone who can give you a measure of safety, then Controlling the flashback may be the best option.
Option Three: Escape
The final option is the Escape of the flashback. Again, remember that this may not always be possible, but never give up your attempts. Mix up your coping methods and combine them, try the more intense methods and try new methods. Escape is both tiring and difficult, but it can be done.
2. Take Notes
- What triggered the flashback?
- What was your goal? (Accept, Control or Escape)
- Did you accomplish your goal?
- What coping techniques did you use?
- Which of these techniques helped, which didn't?
Having these notes can help create a better plan for flashback management.
3. Coping Techniques
Nearly anything you can do to help cope with your flashbacks is a good thing. I say nearly everything because anything that does harm to yourself or another person is simply inexcusable in my opinion. I feel I have a right to say this because like many out there with PTSD, I resorted to self-injury in an attempt to deal with some of the memory I recovered. Not only was self-injury ineffective, it put me in a very dangerous position.
Resorting to causing yourself pain to cover other pain simply amplifies your agony. You may temporarily feel what you believe to be relief but once things return to normal and the flashback is gone, there is additional pain to deal with and at times, serious injury as well. I view seeking affection from others and Alcohol and Drugs the same way (with the exception of drugs prescribed by my own doctor or therapist). They may not do visible harm like cutting yourself, but the damage is done and the problems are compounded.
Techniques When You Are Alone:
Memory Games
(Good for visual flashbacks)
One of the easiest ways to cope or manage a flashback is by distraction. Try to remember something challenging such as the lyrics to a particular song, or a favorite poem. This can helpinterrupt the flashback by redirecting the activity in your brain.
For some reason, memory games work well when I am having flashbacks that involved my hearing and balance.
Some of the more effective memory games I have used are:
- Humming songs or remembering the lyrics to songs
- Naming facts I learned in school
Ice Cube
(Good for physical flashbacks - like feelings of touch or sensations)
This has been my most important tool in dealing with physically oriented flashbacks. The technique was actually taught to me by a Viet Nam Veteran who said he used it for every single flashback, adding "usually it helps, but sometimes it can't." I have found it to be effective to some degree almost every time I have tried it.
The idea is simple, take a fairly large ice cube and hold it tight in one of your hands throughout the flashback. The cold feeling keeps that part of you grounded to some degree and the physical sensation gives you something solid to focus on besides the memory you are reliving. It is important to hold the ice cube fairly tight and in the same hand for the duration of the flashback. I experimented with switching hands and holding it lightly and the technique lost much of its effectiveness.
I always use this technique in addition to some of the others when attempting to Escape or Control.
Wall Spotting
(Good for auditory, or hearing, flashbacks)
This technique involves selecting 4 or 5 brightly colored items in the room that are easily within vision and moving your focus between them. Make sure to vary the order and allow yourself to lock onto the items briefly before shifting to the next item. Keep this up throughout the flashback and continue for a short time afterwards.
Following the same pattern can actually cause you to become more involved in the flashback because your mind becomes used to the pattern and builds on it. By varying the pattern, you disrupt the thought processes involved in the flashback.
I suggest continuing the eye movements for a while after the flashback ends to allow yourself to get more focused on the present since I use this technique mostly for flashbacks with a visual element.
Cold Water on Your Face
(Good for any type of flashback)
This one is simple and can help with any type of flashback. This idea is one of the first ones any of us find that helps. Remember that it can continue to help. Try and use water cold enough to give yourself a good shock. There is a bit more evidence on why this works, it is called the "Mammalian Diving Reflex" or simply the "Diving Reflex" and relies on the fact that our bodies want to survive.
Sudden immersion in very cold water (below 70 degrees) triggers the Diving Reflex. The body reacts by lowering the heart rate, increasing blood pressure, and shutting down circulation to all but the body's core. The result is a lowered metabolism that conserves energy, which helps cold water survival. This is also why near-drowning victims in cold water have a much higher survival rate.
The effect on a flashback is fairly drastic. In short, the brain is shocked and interrupts the flashback to survive what may be a life-threatening immersion in freezing water. For this reason, make sure you use the coldest water available and use a good amount of it.
Techniques When a Friend is Available:
Counting
(Good for intense and strong flashbacks)
This is a technique I came up with while assisting a friend with a panic attack. I call this Counting for lack of a better term. The idea, like most of the techniques above, is to confuse the mind and disrupt the thought processes. To do this, remember that random is good.
Basically, your friend would make you repeat whatever they are saying and would start by following a predictable pattern. Throwing in random words breaks the pattern up and causes a brief disruption in the flashback. This can be very powerful against the more intense flashbacks and I tend to use it only when I am in great need.
The sample below is meant to illustrate both why I call it counting and how it can work.
One
Two
Three
Eight
Five
Six
Seven
Green
Forty-seven
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Cow
I am unsure why this has been effective, but I do know it will not work alone. If you are selecting the order, than the order is not random, there are no surprises. The surprises catch us off guard and our reaction of "One, Two, Three, Eight?" is often enough to lessen the impact of fairly intense flashbacks.
Fizz-Buzz Counting
(Good for intense and strong flashbacks)
I use an "advanced counting" technique to recapture my focus... it is derived from an old group game we used to play - we called it "Fizz - Buzz". Instead of simply counting sequentially, any time a number contains the digit 7 or is a multiple of 7, the word "Buzz" is used; when a number contains the digit 5 or a multiple of 5, the word "Fizz" is used. This is pretty easy up into the early 100s... when much more focus and concentration are required!
Example:
One
Two
Three
Four
Fizz
Six
Buzz
Eight
Nine
Fizz
Eleven...
It can be done without a friend. If you mess up, you're supposed to compliment yourself! Pick any compliment, but pick a compliment. Then start again.
***
For more tips please visit:
Flashbacks
Coping with Flashbacks: Goals and Techniques for Handling the Memories
Hints on How to Cope With Flashbacks
Flashbacks: A Natural Process of Healing
Tips for Recovery
I have such flashbacks from time to time because of a past event that shook me. I found the aforementioned to be beneficial, I haven't tried them yet but I think that I will when and if I pass through something that requires the use of these techniques.
I hope that this doesn't happen to anyone and, if it does, I hope that these techniques aid you.
Breaking the Chains:
"Thought is only a flash between two long nights, but this flash is everything."
Henri Poincare
Flashbacks are memories of past traumas. They may take the form of pictures, sounds, smells, body sensations, feelings or the lack of them (numbness). Many times there is no actual visual or auditory memory. One may have the sense of panic, being trapped, feeling powerless with no memory stimulating it. These experiences can also happen in dreams.
Terrifying, unbearable, scary, uncontrollable, confusing....these and many more words are what a survivor uses to describe how a flashback feels.
Not knowing why a flashback happens makes dealing with them confusing for survivors.
Emotionally loaded, flashbacks bring back feelings from the original attack. Thoughts, actions and emotions that a survivor kept repressed during their attack may be to blame for some of these vivid memories.
The very fact that flashbacks seem to be uncontrollable and unpredictable, makes stopping flashback memories seemingly just another pain to bear.
When we begin to understand why we have flashbacks and are not paralyzed by them, we can move further along the path to healing. Flashbacks are a natural process of healing and they are safe. Your mind is now telling you that it is no longer necessary to block such memories.
So how can we deal with these flashbacks?
1. Three Options
When dealing with a flashback there are actually three possible options. At the first sign of an oncoming flashback, you need to quickly determine which option you are choosing.The techniques used for each of these options are the same, but how you combine them and the intensity which you will use them will vary to bring about each of the three. This is not to say that you will be able to control your flashbacks all the time, sometimes it will be stronger than you. If what triggered your flashback was strong enough, then you might not be able to control or escape it. During such times, get yourself to the safest place possible and keep using techniques to manage the acceptance of the flashback.
Option One: Accept
The first option is to accept the flashback at full intensity. It looks like a ridiculous choice at first glance, but one of the reasons that you have flashbacks in the first place is to help your mind process the information contained in the flashback. There are times when this is going to be the best option because the information is going to come out anyway. So when the time and place are right, prepare yourself and try to control the flashback only enough to keep yourself safe. How do you know when the time and place are right? Well, there are several factors that may help indicate when it is safe enough to Accept a flashback at full force. The first of these is a safe environment, by safe I mean comfortable and comforting. This may be your bedroom, living room, or even your therapist's office. The second is the existence of a support person, or someone you can talk to afterwards if you need to. This could be a significant other, close friend or therapist.
Limiting the times a flashback is accepted at full force can significantly improve how deal the more devastating memories are dealt with.
Option Two: Control
The second option is to Control the flashback, or rather to make an attempt to diminish the effects of the flashback. In order to Control the flashback, you need to increase the effort you put into the coping techniques you have (or those listed at the bottom of this article). I find it useful to also continue to remind myself that I am safe and that I cannot be hurt. Controlling and Escaping flashbacks work by interrupting the thought processes involved in the flashback. Since flashbacks are basically electrical impulses within the brain, I look at this as short-circuiting the flashback process. When you have a song you don't particularly like stuck in your head, the only way to get rid of it is to hear a song you like and replace the thought that is keeping that song in your head. Short-circuiting a flashback is the same thing you are attempting to replace one thought process with another. Controlling is not the full replacement of a flashback but a redirection of the flashback onto a different and safer circuit. To do this, you will be using your coping tools to interrupt the thought process. You may need to interrupt the flashback several times to Control the impact, and it may take several efforts to cause a single interruption. Mixing your coping methods around and using them in combination are ways of intensifying the attempt at interruption. If your environment is familiar and you can feel safe, or if you are with someone who can give you a measure of safety, then Controlling the flashback may be the best option.
Option Three: Escape
The final option is the Escape of the flashback. Again, remember that this may not always be possible, but never give up your attempts. Mix up your coping methods and combine them, try the more intense methods and try new methods. Escape is both tiring and difficult, but it can be done.
2. Take Notes
- What triggered the flashback?
- What was your goal? (Accept, Control or Escape)
- Did you accomplish your goal?
- What coping techniques did you use?
- Which of these techniques helped, which didn't?
Having these notes can help create a better plan for flashback management.
3. Coping Techniques
Nearly anything you can do to help cope with your flashbacks is a good thing. I say nearly everything because anything that does harm to yourself or another person is simply inexcusable in my opinion. I feel I have a right to say this because like many out there with PTSD, I resorted to self-injury in an attempt to deal with some of the memory I recovered. Not only was self-injury ineffective, it put me in a very dangerous position.
Resorting to causing yourself pain to cover other pain simply amplifies your agony. You may temporarily feel what you believe to be relief but once things return to normal and the flashback is gone, there is additional pain to deal with and at times, serious injury as well. I view seeking affection from others and Alcohol and Drugs the same way (with the exception of drugs prescribed by my own doctor or therapist). They may not do visible harm like cutting yourself, but the damage is done and the problems are compounded.
Techniques When You Are Alone:
Memory Games
(Good for visual flashbacks)
One of the easiest ways to cope or manage a flashback is by distraction. Try to remember something challenging such as the lyrics to a particular song, or a favorite poem. This can helpinterrupt the flashback by redirecting the activity in your brain.
For some reason, memory games work well when I am having flashbacks that involved my hearing and balance.
Some of the more effective memory games I have used are:
- Humming songs or remembering the lyrics to songs
- Naming facts I learned in school
Ice Cube
(Good for physical flashbacks - like feelings of touch or sensations)
This has been my most important tool in dealing with physically oriented flashbacks. The technique was actually taught to me by a Viet Nam Veteran who said he used it for every single flashback, adding "usually it helps, but sometimes it can't." I have found it to be effective to some degree almost every time I have tried it.
The idea is simple, take a fairly large ice cube and hold it tight in one of your hands throughout the flashback. The cold feeling keeps that part of you grounded to some degree and the physical sensation gives you something solid to focus on besides the memory you are reliving. It is important to hold the ice cube fairly tight and in the same hand for the duration of the flashback. I experimented with switching hands and holding it lightly and the technique lost much of its effectiveness.
I always use this technique in addition to some of the others when attempting to Escape or Control.
Wall Spotting
(Good for auditory, or hearing, flashbacks)
This technique involves selecting 4 or 5 brightly colored items in the room that are easily within vision and moving your focus between them. Make sure to vary the order and allow yourself to lock onto the items briefly before shifting to the next item. Keep this up throughout the flashback and continue for a short time afterwards.
Following the same pattern can actually cause you to become more involved in the flashback because your mind becomes used to the pattern and builds on it. By varying the pattern, you disrupt the thought processes involved in the flashback.
I suggest continuing the eye movements for a while after the flashback ends to allow yourself to get more focused on the present since I use this technique mostly for flashbacks with a visual element.
Cold Water on Your Face
(Good for any type of flashback)
This one is simple and can help with any type of flashback. This idea is one of the first ones any of us find that helps. Remember that it can continue to help. Try and use water cold enough to give yourself a good shock. There is a bit more evidence on why this works, it is called the "Mammalian Diving Reflex" or simply the "Diving Reflex" and relies on the fact that our bodies want to survive.
Sudden immersion in very cold water (below 70 degrees) triggers the Diving Reflex. The body reacts by lowering the heart rate, increasing blood pressure, and shutting down circulation to all but the body's core. The result is a lowered metabolism that conserves energy, which helps cold water survival. This is also why near-drowning victims in cold water have a much higher survival rate.
The effect on a flashback is fairly drastic. In short, the brain is shocked and interrupts the flashback to survive what may be a life-threatening immersion in freezing water. For this reason, make sure you use the coldest water available and use a good amount of it.
Techniques When a Friend is Available:
Counting
(Good for intense and strong flashbacks)
This is a technique I came up with while assisting a friend with a panic attack. I call this Counting for lack of a better term. The idea, like most of the techniques above, is to confuse the mind and disrupt the thought processes. To do this, remember that random is good.
Basically, your friend would make you repeat whatever they are saying and would start by following a predictable pattern. Throwing in random words breaks the pattern up and causes a brief disruption in the flashback. This can be very powerful against the more intense flashbacks and I tend to use it only when I am in great need.
The sample below is meant to illustrate both why I call it counting and how it can work.
One
Two
Three
Eight
Five
Six
Seven
Green
Forty-seven
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Cow
I am unsure why this has been effective, but I do know it will not work alone. If you are selecting the order, than the order is not random, there are no surprises. The surprises catch us off guard and our reaction of "One, Two, Three, Eight?" is often enough to lessen the impact of fairly intense flashbacks.
Fizz-Buzz Counting
(Good for intense and strong flashbacks)
I use an "advanced counting" technique to recapture my focus... it is derived from an old group game we used to play - we called it "Fizz - Buzz". Instead of simply counting sequentially, any time a number contains the digit 7 or is a multiple of 7, the word "Buzz" is used; when a number contains the digit 5 or a multiple of 5, the word "Fizz" is used. This is pretty easy up into the early 100s... when much more focus and concentration are required!
Example:
One
Two
Three
Four
Fizz
Six
Buzz
Eight
Nine
Fizz
Eleven...
It can be done without a friend. If you mess up, you're supposed to compliment yourself! Pick any compliment, but pick a compliment. Then start again.
***
For more tips please visit:
Flashbacks
Coping with Flashbacks: Goals and Techniques for Handling the Memories
Hints on How to Cope With Flashbacks
Flashbacks: A Natural Process of Healing
Tips for Recovery
I have such flashbacks from time to time because of a past event that shook me. I found the aforementioned to be beneficial, I haven't tried them yet but I think that I will when and if I pass through something that requires the use of these techniques.
I hope that this doesn't happen to anyone and, if it does, I hope that these techniques aid you.
Breaking the Chains:
"Thought is only a flash between two long nights, but this flash is everything."
Henri Poincare
Parasite of Love
It's a parasite that lacks the gift of speech but sucks on your feelings like a leech.
Try not to fight it, it's hungry and it will drink your emotions in one sip. It force feeds you the love disease noisily and gives you sleepless nights.
The parasite strikes when we least expect it to. If we could control our feelings then we'd feel things that we don't really want to but it's impossible to do that. Love, especially, is the feeling that cannot be controlled at all.
The feeling is beautiful in all of the pain that accompanies the package of course - when both sides want it to happen. But what if they don't want it to happen? Maybe one of the sides doesn't want it or both don't.
When you fall in love because of this insect that is feeding you the "love disease feelings", you have sleepless nights thinking of that person; your eating habits change; you don't fall into the same mundane routine that you've accustomed yourself to daily, your days suddenly seem cheerier and your eye has the cutest glitter that gives your feelings away.
Sounds familiar? If it does, then I'm afraid that the parasite infected you too.
Is there some kind of spray to kill this parasite? Why kill it? Enjoy it if you can, if you have to kill it though then just have faith in Him and then in yourself.
This brings me to:
Factors of Love
Both Sides Want to Love
This factor is lovely, it keeps the feelings in the air and grows with time. The parasite keeps feeding and feeding them at the same time. It might bite instead of feed somewhere as it goes, but that just comes with the package. Love is, after all, a parasite. I never heard of a perfect parasite that didn't accidentally bite instead of feed. It's just normal.
One Side Loves, the Other Side is Oblivious or Is Pushing It Away
This is one of the painful factors. It's what is called a crush for it's not really love if both sides aren't sharing the same feelings. What's a crush? It's a crush when you love someone and they don't love you back, they wouldn't have called it "crush" if it didn't hurt. It could eventually progress to love from both sides or just fade away. Cards need to be dealt right here depending on what needs to be done.
Both Sides Are Trying to Push It Away
This is probably the most painful. It's like a crush but more major because both sides are experiencing the feeling of loving someone but knowing that they can't have them and they both know that they feel the same way about each other which is what makes it even more painful to bear. Here, they can either progress into wanting the parasite to take them over, or in living in the pain for some time until they are numb to the parasite's constant biting. The parasite could get bored and fly away, or just stay there. They'll be able to adapt either way.
The three words themselves are magical and do wonders to the soul:
I Love You
I was told by someone once that when you fall in love for the first time and hear those words for the first time they don't feel as good as you expect them to be. Only when the words come after something happens that proves their care for each other that's when the words make the harp that lines your heart with its strings sing.
The pain that accompanies the last two factors can be dealt with in many ways, here are a few ideas that I thought of to let the parasite know where it should stick itself:
Anti-Love Spray
Go back to your faith. Believe in Him and then in yourself, be confident. Tell yourself that you can and will get over it.
Don't regret what was because then you can't look at what could be.
Remember that when you feel like you reached the worst that you can reach then that means that there's no way but up from there.
Always look for a friend to take it out on, it makes all the difference. Plus, your friend might have good advice to give so that's a bonus in addition to their listening to you.
God puts us in pain because He loves us and because of Him already having written everything for us, He wants to wash away our sins by letting us experience pain because He doesn't want us to experience that pain in the afterlife; He loves us.
Tell yourself to be patient, know that Allah is testing you and He doesn't lose anyone.
Know that there's no such thing as a random act and that everything happens for a reason.
Be sure that everything that happens to you is out of goodness.
Try to eliminate any external influences, anything that might trigger this feeling in you again.
Praying helps.
Love's a beautiful parasite that can get nasty at times. If it gets too nasty, or if the parasite is not wanted, anti-love spray can be used.
If you have any additional ingredients to add to the spray, leave them in the comment box. Or just comment with whatever you want, haha.
Breaking the Chains:
"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Samuel Butler
Try not to fight it, it's hungry and it will drink your emotions in one sip. It force feeds you the love disease noisily and gives you sleepless nights.
The parasite strikes when we least expect it to. If we could control our feelings then we'd feel things that we don't really want to but it's impossible to do that. Love, especially, is the feeling that cannot be controlled at all.
The feeling is beautiful in all of the pain that accompanies the package of course - when both sides want it to happen. But what if they don't want it to happen? Maybe one of the sides doesn't want it or both don't.
When you fall in love because of this insect that is feeding you the "love disease feelings", you have sleepless nights thinking of that person; your eating habits change; you don't fall into the same mundane routine that you've accustomed yourself to daily, your days suddenly seem cheerier and your eye has the cutest glitter that gives your feelings away.
Sounds familiar? If it does, then I'm afraid that the parasite infected you too.
Is there some kind of spray to kill this parasite? Why kill it? Enjoy it if you can, if you have to kill it though then just have faith in Him and then in yourself.
This brings me to:
Factors of Love
Both Sides Want to Love
This factor is lovely, it keeps the feelings in the air and grows with time. The parasite keeps feeding and feeding them at the same time. It might bite instead of feed somewhere as it goes, but that just comes with the package. Love is, after all, a parasite. I never heard of a perfect parasite that didn't accidentally bite instead of feed. It's just normal.
One Side Loves, the Other Side is Oblivious or Is Pushing It Away
This is one of the painful factors. It's what is called a crush for it's not really love if both sides aren't sharing the same feelings. What's a crush? It's a crush when you love someone and they don't love you back, they wouldn't have called it "crush" if it didn't hurt. It could eventually progress to love from both sides or just fade away. Cards need to be dealt right here depending on what needs to be done.
Both Sides Are Trying to Push It Away
This is probably the most painful. It's like a crush but more major because both sides are experiencing the feeling of loving someone but knowing that they can't have them and they both know that they feel the same way about each other which is what makes it even more painful to bear. Here, they can either progress into wanting the parasite to take them over, or in living in the pain for some time until they are numb to the parasite's constant biting. The parasite could get bored and fly away, or just stay there. They'll be able to adapt either way.
The three words themselves are magical and do wonders to the soul:
I Love You
I was told by someone once that when you fall in love for the first time and hear those words for the first time they don't feel as good as you expect them to be. Only when the words come after something happens that proves their care for each other that's when the words make the harp that lines your heart with its strings sing.
The pain that accompanies the last two factors can be dealt with in many ways, here are a few ideas that I thought of to let the parasite know where it should stick itself:
Anti-Love Spray
Go back to your faith. Believe in Him and then in yourself, be confident. Tell yourself that you can and will get over it.
Don't regret what was because then you can't look at what could be.
Remember that when you feel like you reached the worst that you can reach then that means that there's no way but up from there.
Always look for a friend to take it out on, it makes all the difference. Plus, your friend might have good advice to give so that's a bonus in addition to their listening to you.
God puts us in pain because He loves us and because of Him already having written everything for us, He wants to wash away our sins by letting us experience pain because He doesn't want us to experience that pain in the afterlife; He loves us.
Tell yourself to be patient, know that Allah is testing you and He doesn't lose anyone.
Know that there's no such thing as a random act and that everything happens for a reason.
Be sure that everything that happens to you is out of goodness.
Try to eliminate any external influences, anything that might trigger this feeling in you again.
Praying helps.
Love's a beautiful parasite that can get nasty at times. If it gets too nasty, or if the parasite is not wanted, anti-love spray can be used.
If you have any additional ingredients to add to the spray, leave them in the comment box. Or just comment with whatever you want, haha.
Breaking the Chains:
"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Samuel Butler
Friday, February 17, 2006
Fantasy: Bed of Roses
I'm standing at the tip of a mountain; all I need is a soft push and I'll fall really hard into a big bed of roses, sweet and beautiful, like nothing I've ever experienced before. Trying to keep my balance on that tip is so exhausting, I keep tilting myself back and forth; knowing that the logical thing to do is to step back a bit, but why do I find it so difficult to? Why don't I want to? It's like I'm hanging on a thin thread and it could break at any moment.
The life which is unexamined is not worth living
I keep looking down, looking at the bed that awaits me, wishing for the thread to break, waiting for it to give me the chance to fall.
We come from the same planet, but it's like we're universes away. As if they're so alien...
There might be a few thorns here and there, but I know I'd reach for the closest sweet smelling rose to pick and smell, and that when I do, the scratch the thorn caused will seem insignificant, and will heal itself like all scratches do. If I do encounter a bed of roses filled with painful thorns and there was no going back to the sweet roses, I know that I'll remember them and won't regret the timeI spent there, for they could be the best experience of my life. Looking back with a smile could be wishful thinking, as everyone would think that I'd be too busy trying to mend the scratches, but maybe it's just what made it all worthwhile, and that's what would keep me smiling.
To be matter of fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy -- and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful.
Could I be living this?
The poet is in command of his fantasy, while it is exactly the mark of the neurotic that he is possessed by his fantasy.
I think that I might be neurotic.
I understand the logic behind the thin thread that's holding me, but maybe being too logical could mean ceasing all. Following the heart and living experiences makes a life worthwhile.
A fantasy is a situation imagined by an individual or group, which does not correspond with reality but expresses certain desires or aims of its creator. Fantasies typically involve situations which are impossible or highly unlikely.
I think it might be a fantasy.
Let's hope I wake up from it soon, hanging on a thread is really exhausting. Rollercoaster rides can take us up and down, into an emotional hell.
(written on the 17th of November, 2005)
---
I was thinking of these roses a lot lately, and now that I read this old piece of mine I can't help but wonder, "Would I have been that ambitious in wanting to break that thread if I knew that I would end up here today?"
Breaking the Chains:
وُئد في مهده قبل أن أتهنى به
Seraph
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
I'll Never Say It
I'm searching for the words inside my head
Feeling nervous
Pulling at my hair...
I can't say it!
I pull at my hair again tightly
I'm telling myself to keep calm
and I know that it's so obvious
But I act dumb about it
And so do you
I start to stare at my hands
Telling them to stop shaking
My teeth are biting into my lip
And my palms feel wet
My cheeks start feeling hot
And my mind's a constant swirl
If I could say what I wanted to say
Then I'd say that I...
Feel jealous to see you get affection from others
Feel angry when I am helpless
Feel depressed when the tiniest things happen
Pretend to be fine when I'm not
Feel resentment towards myself for not being perfect
because I experience these feelings
And I wish that I were perfect,
it would've been so much more easier
I wouldn't have to regret the time I didn't spend with you
or the things that I never got the chance to say
I wouldn't have to resent myself anymore
Nor will I have to wish that I could turn back time
and have another chance to play my cards right
And I wouldn't have to want to erase all the bad parts
I'd say that I cared about you
And that I only feel these things because I can't help them
I'd say that I wished if I could one day control my feelings
And spare all the bad ones, and keep all the good
If only I could say
The things that I'll never say
Note:
Dots and MD, I know that I took such a long time for this update. I had a severe case of blogger's block if you will. I dedicate this update to the two of you (not the words, just the update haha)
Breaking the Chains:
"Never say never, for if you live long enough, chances are you will not be able to abide by its restrictions. Never is a long, undependable time, and life is too full of rich possibilities to have restrictions placed upon it."
Gloria Swanson
Feeling nervous
Pulling at my hair...
I can't say it!
I pull at my hair again tightly
I'm telling myself to keep calm
and I know that it's so obvious
But I act dumb about it
And so do you
I start to stare at my hands
Telling them to stop shaking
My teeth are biting into my lip
And my palms feel wet
My cheeks start feeling hot
And my mind's a constant swirl
If I could say what I wanted to say
Then I'd say that I...
Feel jealous to see you get affection from others
Feel angry when I am helpless
Feel depressed when the tiniest things happen
Pretend to be fine when I'm not
Feel resentment towards myself for not being perfect
because I experience these feelings
And I wish that I were perfect,
it would've been so much more easier
I wouldn't have to regret the time I didn't spend with you
or the things that I never got the chance to say
I wouldn't have to resent myself anymore
Nor will I have to wish that I could turn back time
and have another chance to play my cards right
And I wouldn't have to want to erase all the bad parts
I'd say that I cared about you
And that I only feel these things because I can't help them
I'd say that I wished if I could one day control my feelings
And spare all the bad ones, and keep all the good
If only I could say
The things that I'll never say
I’d say what about you
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to say
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I’m wishing my life away
With these things
I’ll never say
It don’t do me any good
It’s just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What’s on my mind
If it ain’t coming out
We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care
- Lyrics from Avril Lavigne's song, "Things I'll Never Say"
Note:
Dots and MD, I know that I took such a long time for this update. I had a severe case of blogger's block if you will. I dedicate this update to the two of you (not the words, just the update haha)
Breaking the Chains:
"Never say never, for if you live long enough, chances are you will not be able to abide by its restrictions. Never is a long, undependable time, and life is too full of rich possibilities to have restrictions placed upon it."
Gloria Swanson
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Cocoon
As per Dots request for me to post this piece of mine:
Cocoon
When looking at a cocoon, you see a hard shell with a small opening at the top of it. A wild catterpillar is transforming into a beautiful butterfly inside that cocoon. The tranformation process is the most tedious and crucial process; it is also the most beautiful. Thousands of webs interwine in that delicate process. It takes time and effort.
Now I can get a small knife and open up the crack in the cocoon a bit to help the beautiful creature break through. But if I do, then I am depriving it from the strength that it gains by that struggle to try and break it open, and I therefore make it weak and take away the strength that it needs to survive in the wild. By helping it, it will always stay dependent on others, but if I leave it to work by itself, then it will be independent and a strong survivor. The time it takes in struggling is what advances it from a mere catterpillar to a beautiful butterfly.
Perhaps the only thing an outside factor can help in is by giving the catterpillar this realization of how this journey is an important part of its development. That, with words of support and encouragement to make it less painful.
I hope that I can fulfill that for my dear ones, for they're such beautiful butterflies, with the most colorful wings that just need a bit of restringing. They will eventually have stronger wings, and the ability to soar high with them. When worst comes to worst, there's no way but up from there, and their limit is as high as their wings will take them.
I look at their cocoon and it pains me to see them in such a struggle that it takes a large effort on my part not to get out my knife and help crack them open. But I then take a closer look, and can almost see the interwoven threads sewing them up. I take a step back, smile, and keep praying to God that this process doesn't cause them any pain.
In life, nothing comes easily, they need to exert effort. They also need to let things take their way. I have high faith in them, for they are the ones who taught me what patience and strength is all about.
---
A cocoon can be a peaceful haven, it's so cold and cozy in there with all the surrounding threads warming you that you feel like you never want to leave the soft silky lines that tickle you as they keep sowing. But one day, the threads will become so thick that if you don't do something to break the cocoon then the threads are what will break them for you. Better you break them than the threads, butterflies need every ounce of strength that they can get before daring to emerge in to the wild again.
Until then, take your time in your cocoon, don't leave it until you're ready and you'll be a strong survivor. The wild won't disappear, it's giving you the time needed and is waiting for you.
Breaking the Chains:
"A catterpillar that wanted to know itself well would never become a butterfly."
Andre Gide
"A chinese philosopher once had a dream that he was a butterfly. From that day on, he was never quite certain that he was not a butterfly, dreaming that he was a man."
Unknown
Monday, January 23, 2006
Concentrate...
...on controlling your thoughts, try and take them as they come and don't give them the chance to pounce when you least expect it.
You'll very well regret on letting that happen. Headaches that result in an exhausted and drained body are things that you will avoid if you find the ability to concentrate.
The worst times do grant me the knowledge of reliability though; and in the end, one smile makes me smile back.
Breaking the Chains:
"If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down."
Mary Pickford
"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."
Martha Washington
"Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life."
Joan Lunden
"Sometimes the measure of friendship isn't your ability to not harm but your capacity to forgive the things done to you and ask forgiveness for your own mistakes."
Randy K. Millholland
You'll very well regret on letting that happen. Headaches that result in an exhausted and drained body are things that you will avoid if you find the ability to concentrate.
The worst times do grant me the knowledge of reliability though; and in the end, one smile makes me smile back.
Breaking the Chains:
"If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down."
Mary Pickford
"I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances."
Martha Washington
"Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life."
Joan Lunden
"Sometimes the measure of friendship isn't your ability to not harm but your capacity to forgive the things done to you and ask forgiveness for your own mistakes."
Randy K. Millholland
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
