Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I'll Never Say It

I'm searching for the words inside my head
Feeling nervous
Pulling at my hair...
I can't say it!
I pull at my hair again tightly
I'm telling myself to keep calm
and I know that it's so obvious
But I act dumb about it
And so do you
I start to stare at my hands
Telling them to stop shaking
My teeth are biting into my lip
And my palms feel wet
My cheeks start feeling hot
And my mind's a constant swirl

If I could say what I wanted to say
Then I'd say that I...
Feel jealous to see you get affection from others
Feel angry when I am helpless
Feel depressed when the tiniest things happen
Pretend to be fine when I'm not
Feel resentment towards myself for not being perfect
because I experience these feelings
And I wish that I were perfect,
it would've been so much more easier
I wouldn't have to regret the time I didn't spend with you
or the things that I never got the chance to say
I wouldn't have to resent myself anymore
Nor will I have to wish that I could turn back time
and have another chance to play my cards right
And I wouldn't have to want to erase all the bad parts

I'd say that I cared about you
And that I only feel these things because I can't help them
I'd say that I wished if I could one day control my feelings
And spare all the bad ones, and keep all the good

If only I could say
The things that I'll never say

I’d say what about you
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to say
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I’m wishing my life away
With these things
I’ll never say

It don’t do me any good
It’s just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What’s on my mind
If it ain’t coming out
We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care

- Lyrics from Avril Lavigne's song, "Things I'll Never Say"

Dots and MD, I know that I took such a long time for this update. I had a severe case of blogger's block if you will. I dedicate this update to the two of you (not the words, just the update haha)

Breaking the Chains:

"Never say never, for if you live long enough, chances are you will not be able to abide by its restrictions. Never is a long, undependable time, and life is too full of rich possibilities to have restrictions placed upon it."
Gloria Swanson


Dots said...

OKay .. i should've pasted what i wrote fil msn conversation.. bottom line.. am HYPER excited and Jumping all over the screen :p

How big was my smile.. you know that.. how proud i am of you.. you know that already too.. how glad that you wrote this update.. you know that..but one thing you dont know that i was worried you'd write a depressing update.. so wohoo.. (or probably you know that too ? )

:jumpers: till am back to my senses.. :p

Seraph said...

is there anything that i dont know really :p

it's all in the eye of the beholder, u were in a good mood i'm glad u perceived it as :jumpers: kind :)

MD said...

seeeeeeeeeraph my love :D so good to see u post here...but oh, for a minute i thought the avril lavigne song was for me :P but lol at least u posted SOMETHING :D

we all go thru the blogger's block...i totally know what u mean. it takes time. sometimes u gotta push urself to think of ONE thing n the ides just floooowwwww :D

Seraph said...

haha, well the quoted box was her song the rest were my words and no :p not for you LOL

and yeah blogger's block is so annoying isn't it, i just hope that i'll be able to get back on track.

thanks for the comment! =)